VOL 1460 - Sept. 13, 2015 - 20 Special 'Southernisms'
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A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master. - Russian Proverb
A drink precedes a story. - Irish Proverb
A drowning man is not troubled by rain. - Persian Proverb
Better wear out shoes than sheets. - Scottish Proverb
Every ass loves to hear himself bray. - Proverb of Unknown Origin
Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom. - French Proverb
He that marries for money will earn it. - American Proverb
Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. - Chinese Proverb
Lend your money and lose your friend.- English Proverb
Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 20 Special 'Southernisms'
From or pal John - A new Yankee living in the South and slowly adjusting!
1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --
you "PITCH" them.
2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'.. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
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